Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
