We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
