Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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