I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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