Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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