I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she looked like the before picture.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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