Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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