it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
