So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have feelings that need drinking.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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