I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
