I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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