well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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