If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
