The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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