If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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