maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
