I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Are we still banned from the library?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize