So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
