in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
