dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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