Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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