yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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