She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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