Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
