Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
