So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
