therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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