I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
