I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
