Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
