ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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