Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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