Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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