I bet he comes in French.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
