So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
