No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
