So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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