Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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