You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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