I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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