it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
