I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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