I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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