I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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