shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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