I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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