Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
