Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
