My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
