stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
