Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my being single is dangerous.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
