if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
