Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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