by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
