Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
