Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
