I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
