I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
