We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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