anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
