i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
