He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize