It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
