OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
