i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
