There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
two words: eviction party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
