it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
