That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
