I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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