Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
