shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
