Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
