you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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