I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she told me i tasted like america
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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