I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
