And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
