"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
