girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
