Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize