in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
